““When you pray, don’t babble on and on as the Gentiles do. They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again. … forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us.” Matthew 6:7, 12 NLT
I was justified in my anger. It was an affront to my soul and to humanity. I wore my hurt and anger on my sleeve and my face. Nobody wanted to mess with me. In a warped way, I was happy in my miserable state.
Sitting apart from everyone I fed the anger. It sizzled and danced; emanating from me in visible waves.
Then I realized that if I held it; I’d be the one messed up.
‘Lord. Help me! I can’t get fully overtaken by this’ (I wanted to keep a little bit tho I didn’t say that to God).
‘Forgive our debts as we forgive others’ was the gentle heart rejoinder.
I swallowed. I’ve preached about this and prayed it many times. I knew it was tough going but this was different. My very innards were rebelling. Because this was different.
I realized that I was even mad at God.
‘So is it that you have not ‘forgiven’ God for allowing this.
I swallowed again
The reality of what unforgiveness now began to sink in. I realized that in less than 2 hours my prayer life was already compromised; I had not gone to God. And anything I would try to pray would be vain babbling if I was not resolving the issue -maybe I had NOT forgiven God.
Two songs came to my heart. I allowed them to begin to restore my soul. I am not fully restored but I hope that if you are also undergoing this kind of deep rooted anger you might be inclined to embark upon your own journey.
